Eternally
by NettieC
Summary: What will it take for our favourite duo to realise they belong together forever? And once they realise it, will it be too late?


Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me...no matter how nicely I ask  
This ff is a jagified svu one and was inspired by John Farnham's song Eternally

_If I could ask you things unspoken_  
_Give to you all my honesty_  
_If I could show you any token_  
_Of the love welling up in me_  
_I'd let you see what you mean to me_  
_If you could hear me, I'd sing love songs_  
_As you drift gently into sleep_  
_If you could see me, I'd blow you kisses_  
_Let them cross the ocean blue and deep_  
_I wish you could see, what you mean to me_  
_Eternally_

_When I had the chance to share with you my days_  
_All those precious tender moments_  
_Well I let them slip away_  
_If I could touch you for a lifetime_  
_You would know that I would love you true_  
_Eternally, eternally, eternally_  
_If I had one wish that could be answered_  
_I'd undo all that I have done_  
_I know I took it all for granted_  
_Thought I'd have you for all my days to come_  
_Here with me eternally, eternally_

It was cold and late on a November night, though his body failed to register the frigid temperature and his brain lost the ability to compute time. There was only one thing Harm was able to focus on and that was the limp body of his partner in his arms. Dragging her closer to him, he increased pressure on the stomach wound inflicted on her only minutes before by the midshipman they had been chasing. The same midshipman who was now running free somewhere but who was definitely living on borrowed time.

Mac groaned slightly as he moved her to him but failed to wake up. Harm freed a hand and called for an ambulance, regardless of how calm he had intended to be as soon as the operator replied his call became a desperate plea for assistance. Once assured help was on its way, he dropped the cell into the snow and wrapped his arm around her once more.

Bending his head down he rested his forehead on hers, willing her with every ounce of himself to be alright. He prayed hard, pleaded with God to be merciful and to give him one more chance, one more day, an hour, a minute. Prayed that his years of yearning for her, only to push her away when he had the chance, was not going to be his greatest regret.

As her breathing became raspy he blew gently into her face, willing her to use his breath as hers. He pressed his chest to hers hoping his heart could beat for her. If he could he'd give them to her; his lungs, his heart, his body for without her he knew they were worthless to him.

Heavy, salty tears splashed onto Mac's face, and Harm gently wiped his tears from her ashen cheeks. Without conscious thought he brushed his lips against hers in an unspoken declaration of love. He had known for an eternity she was his soul mate, known he loved her and was in love with her, had known he would give his life for her anytime, anywhere. And as the snow fell gently on them he was trying to make her realise it before it was too late.

The wailing of the approaching sirens caused his heart to beat rapidly.  
"Hold on, Mac," he whispered into her ear as the paramedics pulled up in front of them. "Hold on for me, beautiful."

Their stillness was disrupted by the frantic actions of the paramedics as they assessed Mac and loaded her into the ambulance. Harm held her hand the entire time, truly believing if he let go he would lose her and be damned for all eternity. The ride to the hospital passed in a blur of lights and colours, sounds being heard by his ears but not being processed at all. Through his brain went his new mantra of 'hold on, beautiful, hold on, beautiful' playing on high speed.

Before he realised what was happening the doors of the vehicle opened and a group of people clad in white took over the gurney and wheeled her into the building. All the way he held on, the nurse asked him to let go but he wouldn't, the doctor told him to let go but he couldn't – he wasn't physically able to unclasp his hand, his fingers seemingly laced permanently with hers. Harm tried to be as unobtrusive as possible as the staff scurried to assess her. The heart monitor was attached and Harm sighed in relief as a strong heartbeat sounded through the room.

Twenty minutes later she was on her way to the OR, a place Harm would definitely not be allowed to go. By the time they were ready for her Admiral Chegwidden had arrived and gently pried his Commander's fingers from his partner's hand.  
"Let her go, Harm," he soothed. "She's in good hands now."  
Unable to hold her anymore he let go, watching as they wheeled her away into surgery. Tears welled in his eyes at the pure sense of emptiness which consumed him; the emptiness which would be his life if she did not make it.

He felt a hand at his elbow guiding him to the chairs; he felt a gentle push lowering him to a seat, all the while his eyes stayed fastened on the door.  
"The doctor says she'll be alright, Harm," AJ said quietly but Harm didn't hear it, his ears ringing once again with the gunshots which started all of this. Nausea overwhelmed him and he slumped forward in the hard chair, resting his head in his hands somewhere near his knees. He felt a hand patting his back and knew his commanding officer was saying something but it was lost to him in the fog of his brain.

Then there was nothing except blackness; no light, no sound, no feeling just an all consuming blackness.

When Harm's eyes finally opened he saw the unmistakable white tiles of a hospital ceiling. Becoming aware of sounds near him he struggled to turn his head, finding it took too much energy he groaned and decided against it. The short sound emanating from him was enough to attract attention from those making the sounds. He could feel a gentle patting on his face and a familiar voice speaking to him.

He opened his eyes once again and found Mac's face inches from his.  
"You're awake – finally," she whispered, running her hand across his forehead, before letting it rest on his pillow, her fingers still in his hair.  
"Mac, are you okay?" he replied, trying to clear the fog in his head.  
"Yeah, doc says I'll be as good as new in a couple of weeks. Says I owe it all to you," she said, using her other hand to squeeze his.  
"Tell me," he said with a quick shake of his head. "Why are you out of bed given you just had surgery and why am I in bed?"  
"Harm, I had surgery two days ago and I am okay to be out of bed. You had surgery too but being a squid, you're just a bit slower getting up," she said with a grin as she squeezed his hand again.

Harm tried to sit up but was restricted by the pain in his chest and her hand on his shoulder.  
"Don't, Harm," she whispered, tears filling her eyes at the pain she saw in his. "You got shot too!"  
"No, I didn't…" he began before reaching up to feel the bandages on his chest.  
"You did…you either didn't realise it or you just ignored it because once I was in surgery you passed out. When the Admiral pulled open your coat there was blood everywhere, at first he thought it was mine but then he realised you'd been hit in the chest, just below your right shoulder," Mac explained, her eyes never leaving his.  
"But I didn't feel it," he mumbled in disbelief, how could he have been shot and not known it?  
"Doctor says you were more concerned about me than anything else, that's probably why," she said quietly.

Harm stopped for a moment to contemplate the twist in events. Had he been so focused on Mac he didn't register his own injury? Could you focus on something so intently it blocked out everything else? He closed his eyes tightly trying to make sense of everything. He shook his head, trying to make the swirl of emotions abate.  
"Hold on for me, beautiful." He heard her whisper before her lips touched his.

His eyes shot open and focused on her, astounded at her choice of words.  
"What, Harm?" she whispered.  
"Those were the exact words I said to you before the paramedics arrived," he replied and she grinned widely.  
"I know, I heard you." She kissed his forehead again, before sighing deeply, exhausted by the interaction.  
"You should go back to bed, Mac," Harm said, bringing her hand to his lips.  
"I'd rather stay with you for just a bit," she replied, edging herself into his bed. "Only if you want me too."

Harm sighed deeply, 'just a bit' was too short a time to have her with him but then again so was eternity. As he felt her hand move across his stomach, anchoring herself to him he whispered a prayer of thanks, he had been given his chance to do the right thing, to have more time with her, to talk to her. His lips pressed gently on her head as he sighed deeply. Before he could make any declaration she was asleep but he raised his eyes upwards to God. She was alive, he was alive, they had been given a second chance and for that he would forever be eternally thankful.


End file.
